Edward's Heart
by RachelleM
Summary: Set a few months post BD. Edward deals with his overwhelming love for Bella and Renesmee and is torn by the thought of Jacob and Renesmee together.
1. Stench

Author's Note: I thought that Edward never really got a chance to fully explore his emotions and love for his daughter. I just figured I'd look into that and see what my subconscious could come up with! I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, it is owned and created by Stephenie Meyer and published by Little Brown. I do wish I owned Edward, though.**

The morning dawned clear and crisp, with the fall season peaking around the corner. A gentle breeze flitted into the open double doors of our bedroom, carrying with it the lingering smells of wet leaves and a hint of pine. The smells enveloped my senses, but none could compare with the unique and intoxicating scent of my wife lying next to me, our limbs intertwined. She ran her fingers in feather light patterns on my chest, and I shivered involuntarily.

"It is rather chilly outside, isn't it?" She murmured, looking up at me with a lovely set of honey-colored eyes.

I chuckled. She never had fully comprehended what her touch or gaze did to my non-beating heart. If my heart was pumping with warm blood, it would have beat clear out of my chest the instant her fingers brushed my skin. Instead of blood, my heart did burst and overflow with something much more dear: _love_. Love for my counterpart, my forever and only. My wife Bella. And for our beautiful daughter, a physical, living, breathing product of our love. _Renesmee_.

"Ah, love, when will you ever see? Even your transformation has not fully obliterated your self-doubt." I said, cupping her cheek in my hand.

She looked at me curiously, her eyebrows knitting together. She glanced at me slyly.

"I was just commenting on the fact that the air outside was blowing in here and—"

My lips silenced hers in a fraction of a second, and she melted into me. I could feel her smile underneath my mouth, and I had the sudden thought that she might have been aware of what she was saying all along. _No matter_, I thought to myself. She could toy with me however she wanted. I would happily be indebted to this perfect creature for eternity.

I rolled on top of her in an attempt to gain leverage in this little game, but she caught me by surprise by twisting her leg around my thigh and pulling me down on top of her body. The air sucked out of my lungs quickly, and I landed with a huff. She smirked and our mouths met again, dancing a dance like no other. Our bodies formed to each other as they had the night before, and I quickly lost my resolve. Her icy tongue traced a line up my collarbone, and I moaned. But before our tryst could go any further, I heard a sweet, innocent mind awaken from down the hallway. The thoughts following were fuzzy from sleepiness, but my heart once again burgeoned within my chest. Renesmee was awake.

"She's awake, isn't she?" Bella asked from underneath me.

"Yes."

"Oh, well, I think I won this round anyway." She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly.

"I wasn't aware that we were competing." I replied. "It is actually really chilly, you know." I added as an afterthought, motioning my head toward the window.

"Liar."

"Maybe." I winked, kissing her nose. "Either way, I don't care what else is going on outside when I'm lying in bed with you."

And as I leaned down to kiss her again to seal my statement, a horrid smell reached my nose. It wafted slowly inside, but it still hit me like a garbage truck, writhing and gripping around my heart.

_Jacob_.

I knew what he was here for, he could sense her awakening as easily as I, and that was the reason why my heart ached and a foreboding sense of dread filled my being. Each day that passed brought him closer and closer to my daughter. Closer to completely owing her heart, just because of a sick, moronic werewolf custom. Closer to taking her away from me forever.


	2. Intruder

Author's Note: Thank you so much to the people that reviewed and favorited! I will try my best to finished this asap, but I am pretty much making this up as I go along. If you have any suggestions or just positive comments, I'd love to hear them! Oh, and just one more note. I don't completely hate Jacob. I did feel like he was ALWAYS in the way and I threw New Moon and Eclipse a few times, but for the most part I tolerated his presence. I just wish that Edward hadn't ;)

**Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine. Just my random wishes and thoughts.**

Chapter 2

If the look of disgust on my face didn't give me away to my wife, the growl that escaped from deep within my throat did. Her eyes flashed in the direction of the scent, and she too, I noticed with devilish delight, wrinkled her nose at the dog. I've heard humans complain of a "wet-dog" smell being terrible, but they really know nothing of how completely wretched a werewolf smells. I cannot describe it fully, but that scent mixed with the growing feelings of malice that I had toward Jacob Black just made my reflex to his presence all the worse.

Bella's head shot back toward me just as the growl deepened, and she shoved my chest. I bounced back onto the mattress landing on my knees, and found myself, like Emmett, heartily counting down the days when the newness of her transformation had worn off and she lacked the extra strength.

"Oh, honestly, Edward! He comes by here every day…and he spends the greatest part of the day here as well. I'd thought you'd be used to him by now." She spat, sitting up too, her eyes flashing. For a moment I was mesmerized by the lovely color that they were turning, but was quickly brought back to reality when she jumped off the bed, stirring the air again.

The nasty smell. _Jacob_. _Hatred_. Right.

Bella snatched an ivory silk robe off of a chair near the nightstand and wrapped it around her body. She turned to face me, and expecting fire and brimstone again, I scooted closer to the edge of the bed. Her face, however, was different than I had surmised. I knew the expression in her eyes: wariness and sadness. All the rage from seconds before was gone.

I was at her side in an instant, my hands cradling her face. I searched for her thoughts through her eyes, gazing, looking. Finding nothing that would give me a good explanation, I kissed her forehead and cocked my head to the side.

"Talk to me, love." I prodded. "One second you are giving me a well-deserved lecture and the next seem lost and upset."

She just let her head drop into my chest and sighed heavily. I wrapped my arms all the way around her waist and pulled her even closer. I chanced at a joke.

"C'mon, Bella. I'm not a mind-reader." I said the last statement lightly, and chuckled in spite of myself.

Her breathless laugh came out on my skin, sending a jolt of electricity through my system, and I was once again reminded of wonderful experiences in the bed just a few feet away from us. Her soft voice drew me back to the present.

"I had no right to react…to talk to you like that Edward" She started, not meeting my eyes.

"Bella! No! You had every right, I—"

"Shh!" She held her hand up to my lips, meeting my gaze with intensity. "It wasn't fair of me to react as I did because…well, because I feel the same way you do about Jac--…about _him_. About _it_."

_Wow_. I had to admit that I wasn't expecting that one. The first time Bella heard about the mongrel's imprinting on Renesmee she almost killed him (which I quite enjoyed), but since that day she had been very accepting of the situation. She filled our pantry with food for him to eat and didn't show the slightest hint of jealousy or malice when Renesmee dreamed and thought of Jacob more than the two of us. I, however, felt like a stake was being driven into my chest each time that she thought of him after the three of us had been together. I might be immortal, but the thought of losing the affection of my daughter to a werewolf made me feel as if a part of me was dying.

It was then that I noticed Bella's expectant gaze. She was weighing my reaction carefully, as if she thought I'd be irritated that she too was hurt by the stupid dog's presence in Renesmee's life.

"Edward?" Her eyebrows knitted together.

I sighed, relief taking over some of my ill thoughts.

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that…" I started, but was surprised when she stepped out of my arms.

"Edward! It's terrible that I feel that way! Jacob makes Nessie happy!" She hissed, be sure to keep her voice low so that Jacob's hearing would not catch her words. "You should feel bad too." She finished.

"I know Bella, but…I-I don't even know what to say." I breathed, looking down at the lovely, sand colored floor. How to make her understand?

"The love that I felt for Renesmee the instant I held her and whispered her name, came so swift and powerful I can't eloquently put it into words." I admitted. "All I know is that she is a part of me…and you," I said, reaching out to touch her hair. "We made her together. From our love. And the thought of losing her so fast…" My throat closed and I couldn't finish.

It was now Bella's turn to embrace me. She kissed my shoulder and turned her face into my neck, stroking my hair. She mumbled incoherent words of comfort to me, and said "I know, I know" countless times. We stood like that for a few long moments until we both heard our daughter call our names.

"Momma? Daddy?" Came her singsong voice, and in my head I heard her begin to count softly. _One_, _two_, _three_…

It was a game we played each morning. Renesmee would wake up and count the seconds it took for Bella and I to come and get her out of bed. I would always easily know whenever it was that her mind began to reach consciousness from sleep, but we humored her each day and waited for her call.

"She's counting!" I exclaimed, my heart happy to get to see her face after the events of the morning thus far. Bella grinned, kissed me quickly, and threw me a pair of sweatpants. In the 1.2 seconds it took for all of this to occur, I heard our daughter falter on the number five, her thoughts too happy to continue. A picture flashed through my mind and I saw who it was who had gotten to Renesmee's room before we did.

"Jacob!"

Review please! I'd love to put another chapter up tomorrow night!


	3. Honesty

Bella was at Renesmee's door first, most likely in an attempt to put space between Jacob and myself. I didn't care. It just gave me more time to drum up as many ways as possible to kill him slowly and painfully. There was a nagging voice in the back of my head that closely resembled Bella's saying that harming Jacob would hurt Renesmee, but I shoved the thoughts aside. I couldn't see or think clearly with Jacob poised next to my daughter's bed, tickling her side and grinning like an idiot.

"Breathe, Edward." Bella whispered, but her eyes never left the scene at the bedside. She took a step slightly to the right, blocking my entrance more.

_Breathe_.

In. Out.

In. Out.

I felt my wife's hand reach back and take mine. The anger that was threatening to spill over began to gently subside. Not completely, but I could look at the werewolf without seeing a huge target pointing straight to his throat.

There they sat on her bed laughing. Ignoring our presence in the doorway. The gaul of him! To not even glance over at the two people he owed Renesmee's life too; her very being, even! Why I—

Bella's hand squeezed mine.

_Breathe_.

"Good morning, Jacob." She spoke firmly and clearly.

"Mornin' Bells."

He didn't even glance up.

I cleared my throat, eyes narrowed, wishing just for once that I could give up my mind-reading power for laser beams to bore into his thick skull with.

"Oh, you too, Edward." He said, finally looking over and nodding his head. I don't think he was expecting my face, twisted with anger, and one underlying emotion that I would not dare let him see—pain—because his happy, relaxed composure faltered, and he dropped his hands from Nessie's side. His thought process was sadistically enjoyable for me. He was completely confused and scared.

_What an idiot_.

"Jacob," Bella started, her voice careful. "What are you doing here?"

His face changed completely, and he grinned wide, showing all of his white teeth. He reached for Renesmee and swung her onto his lap, earning giggles and an embrace.

"Well, what does it look like? I'm here to see my favorite person in the whole world!" He boomed, and laughed right along with her. My chest tightened as she reached up and touched his face, sharing her own thoughts on his surprise visit.

She was happy that he came to play with her, elated even. But the thoughts shifted, and my face appeared, twisted and hurt. I blinked, taken aback at my own demeanor. The vice grip on my heart tightened more. I didn't want her to see me that way. She was upset because I was, and wondered if she had done something wrong.

"No, sweetheart, no…" I managed quietly.

Her eyes met mine. So much like her mother's used to be. Deep, beautiful, and probing. She knew. She knew what I was feeling. The hatred, the scorn. She knew that I despised the thought of Jacob being her friend. She reached a tiny hand toward me, pushing against Jacob's face. Pleading. I let my eyes fall to the floor ashamed.

"Jacob, put me down, please."

So mature. Her voice and vocabulary never ceased to amaze me, so I looked up, drawn to her words. Jacob's face scrunched, and it was obvious that he hated to let her go, even for a second. Then there was my Mr. Hyde again, taking over my remorse and feeding off the pain of others, and in this situation, Jacob.

_Ha_! The other side of my conscience screamed. _She doesn't want you, Jacob_! But my choking heart knew that this was not true.

I tried to breathe again. It was a painful, lax attempt.

My emotions as haywire as a television set struck by lightning, I did not see Jacob releasing my daughter and her scrambling past Bella to wrap herself around my legs. I looked down at her head covered in bronze curls, and I picked her up in an instant, cradling her against my shoulder, my hand stroking her hair.

She was like a lifeline.

_I could breathe_.

I heard Bella asking Jacob to leave, and was vaguely aware of him complaining. She must have said something harsh, because he sulked out past the two of us and just to spite me, reached down and pinched Nessie's cheek. The growl at arose couldn't be stopped and it overflowed into my voice.

"LEAVE US, JACOB!" I snapped, clutching my daughter closer. "You will not come back for a long time if you know what's good for you!"

His eyes sparkled with suppressed mirth and he laughed at me. He even went as far as to wave is finger at me in a mocking manner, as if he was a teacher lecturing me at school.

"Oh, what's the matter, Pops? Upset that you have to have Nessie comfort you when you are upset, but that she actually gets her comfort from me?" He said, doubling over with laughter.

_A game_. He thought this was a _game._ Funny, because my idea of a game at the moment was ripping him limb from limb and feeding the pieces to Rosalie.

"It's not funny, Jacob! Get out of the house now! Do you have any idea what you are toying with?" Bella yelled, at his side instantly and shoving him towards the door. He slid into the wall by the door and left an imprint of his body; dust fell from the ceiling and the small cottage shook. Under any other circumstance, I would have been upset about the dent in our beautiful home, but at the moment, I simply commended Bella on her reflexive action.

Jacob pulled away from the wall and cracked his joints that were strained during the impact. Bella was surprised at herself, but the enjoyment could not be hidden from her features. She came to stand next to Renesmee and I, her hand gripping my elbow from the side.

"You don't make a very good wall decoration, Jacob." Bella said lightly.

Jacob scowled. He was not ready to joke anymore now that he had been embarrassed in front of his claimed soul mate that was turned in my arms, eyes wide. Jacob glanced at her and then over to Bella.

"What? I was just speaking the truth!" Jacob nearly shouted. "Nessie _wants _to see me. To be with me. She _loves_ me. When are you two going to accept that?" He pointed to his chest with each reference to himself and it felt like bullets piercing my skin. Renesmee's hand reached my cheek while he was still speaking. She didn't like seeing Jacob angry. She didn't like when he yelled. Had she done something wrong again? I could feel the heat filling my icy skin at the back of my neck. The clash of temperatures created a white flash of rage before my vision.

I did not even think about holding back.

"Never." I stated, my voice low and commanding. "You want the real truth, mongrel? We will never accept you because you will never be good enough for our daughter. NEVER!"

The blood drained from Jacob's face, and Bella gasped softly. My body was shaking, but I did not regret my words. Jacob wanted honesty, so I gave it to him. Point blank. I knew I was right and it consumed me to the point that I could not even feel the wrongness of my words. I gave into the anger, and let it pull me to my knees on the floor. The door slammed, knocking more pieces of rock from the wall, and Jacob was gone.

* * *

When I came to my senses, I found myself sprawled against the wall next to Jacob's indention. Renesmee was straddling my lap, her head against my chest, and Bella was sitting on her knees to my right, her eyes rimmed with nonexistent tears. The look on her face was one that was able to weaken me more than any other.

_Hurt_.

I had hurt my wife and my daughter. I could not wrap my mind around how. It did not seem that loving them too much would cause hurt. But somehow I knew my actions had.

"Bella, I—"

"Shh. Don't say anything, Edward. Are you alright?" She pleaded with her eyes. "What can I do?" She faltered. "Actually, I-I don't know what to do…" She choked, her head falling. "I want to kill Jacob for how he acted too, but—but you…you scared me, Edward."

Her words were like knives twisting into my already aching, suffocating heart. I was speechless. I sat, mute on the floor and drew my eyes away from Bella, letting the misery take over. I'd spent the last two years fighting to keep Bella safe, and now I could not even protect my wife from myself.

"Daddy?" Renesmee's sweet, innocent voice cut through my dark musings.

"Y-yes?" It was hard to form the words on my lips.

"Is Jacob coming back?"

_Breathe_.

In. Out.

In. Out.

How to answer her? I did not know. I could not sense him around the house anywhere. Surely he would, but then again, if the words ringing in my head still were any indication, I'd pretty much turned him away forever and given him no hope of a relationship with my daughter.

"I don't know, darling." I said honestly. "And I'm sorrier than you will ever know if I had anything to do with that."

She looked at me curiously, as if she were judging my sincerity. Then she laid her head back on my chest. She didn't respond to my appology, and that hurt, but I felt I was becoming numb to the pain. I looked to Bella for support, and then remembered her biting words earlier.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. Can you please forgive me?"

She scooted closer to me and leaning against the wall as well. She didn't speak at first, and I knew she was choosing her words.

"Edward, we will work through this together. I love you." She finally said, and leaned in to kiss my temple. Her hand weaved into my own. I sighed, relishing in her love and forgiveness.

Once again, as in so many times before, she was keeping me grounded. I knew that if anything were to ever happen to her, that I would simply cease to exist. I could not go on living without her, we were one; she was my soul's counterpoint, and it was because of her that I knew that I had a soul. I felt whole for the first time in over a century when we first met. As I contemplated Bella's effect on my life, I realized, quite powerfully, that Bella was not the only reason for my living anymore. Then there was Renesmee, my child whom I loved the instant I heard her move and speak within Bella's abdomen. It was as if one was my sun and the other my moon. _I could not function without either_.

I would right this, and win my daughter's affection. Somehow...

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**So I guess I'm getting over anxious and posting chapters too often! Oh well, I have class starting tomorrow, so I won't be posting as often. Sorry! So what do you think so far? Thank you so much to the few reviewers I've had. I haven't written for my own pleasure in a long time, so I like to know how I'm doing. I've never understood why fanfiction authors always want reviews, but now I understand! It is inspiration! So please, please, please inspire me!! OH, and if you have any ideas about where you would like this to go, let me know. I have one of two possible roads to choose from. One involves a much longer story, and the other could be wrapped up in about two chapters. Just let me know!**


	4. Weakness

_Surprise! After a long wait I finally managed to get this baby up here. Thanks to those who stuck with this story for the last two weeks. I hope you enjoy!_

**Disclaimer: No. Not my characters. But I love them so much, I write things like this!!!**

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"Good riddance."

"Rosalie..." The scold came out emotionless on Bella's lips. "We don't need that right now."

She sighed and let her head fall back against the seat of the couch. We were sitting in the living room in the main house and discussing Jacob's disappearance with the rest of the family. It had been three painful days since the scene in our cottage, with no sign of Jacob anywhere nearby. I shifted anxiously, torn between heartily agreeing with Rosalie's statement, and wishing I could go back in time and fix everything that had happened.

"What? I don't see the issue." Rosalie continued in her rant. "The _stupid_ werewolf will come back soon enough. Let's at least let the smell air out of the house before we call in the National Guard."

Bella's eyes flashed, and she stood up from her seat next to me on the couch. I didn't have the emotional strength or energy to stop her, so I focused my attention elsewhere, blocking out her and Rosalie's arguing, and listening to the conversation between Esme and Renesmee in the next room.

"They are talking about Jacob, aren't they, Grandma?" Renesmee said, more a statement than a question. I saw Esme pause slightly as she was brushing Renesmee's long bronze curls. She was wishing that she could find a way to spare her beautiful grandchild the huge responsibility and pain of the adult conversation in the next room, but hated the look she was going to get when she downplayed her response. God bless Esme. She was so loving that the very thought of hurting another, especially her grandchild, tore her heart into pieces.

"Well, sweetheart…" She started, turning Renesmeearound to look into her eyes. One look at her already betrayed face and Esme paused to kiss her forehead and pull her into an embrace. I was suddenly so thankful for the adopted mother that I had been blessed with. In all the decades I had known her as my mother, she had never once stopped loving us. It was continuous and never-ending, even when we did not deserve it. Seeing her love my child just reinforced the gracious feelings that I already had. Yes, God indeed bless Esme.

Nessie pulled out slightly and touched her grandmother's face. She loved Esme, but knew she was beating around the bush. I had to smile at that. _So much like her mother_. Persistent until she got her way. Too bad neither of them ever had to turn that charm very much on me. I would already give them the moon and the stars if I had the power to do so. Ironically, the two people that gave me the most strength were also the heart of my biggest weakness.

"Edward!" Bella's voice snapped through my musings. I turned to look at the room around me, suddenly aware that everyone was staring at me. Great.

"Deal with your sister." She growled, and flew out of the room.

_Nice job, bro. _I caught Emmett thinking, as he winked in my direction. His attitude was the last thing that I needed. I was on my feet in a flash, weight forward and ready to pounce. The last few days had been like hell for me, and anything became a green light for me to hit something. Fortunately, Carlisle stepped in before I could take out my frustrations on my overly-cocky big brother.

"Alright, I've sat here and listened to this long enough. Renesmee is a huge part of this family, but she is Edward and Bella's child first. We will back them in whatever they need to do to find Jacob."

"Of course we will." Alice said, releasing Jasper's hand and dancing a few steps forward. "Jacob makes Nessie happy, and I love her enough to deal with him being around. I think we all do." She looked around the room, eyes narrowed, daring Rosalie to contradict her. Rosalie hissed low under her breath, but did not move from her stance next to the window.

I was thankful for Alice, but her words made my chest burn with guilt. Yes, of course I loved my daughter. I loved her more than I love my own life, just as Bella did. For some reason though, Jacob's very name made my skin crawl and made rage roll within me. He could never love her as much as I did. He would never be good enough, never protect her well enough. And I simply could not stand him being around every day, stealing her away from me slowly. I realized suddenly that those feelings were what got us into this mess; here we all were standing around, glares in every direction, the air thick with emotion. Jasper was trying his best to refocus the conversation, but with everyone harboring their own moods and opinions, especially Bella in the kitchen, it was nearly impossible for him to accomplish anything at all.

I looked again to Renesmee and Esme in the next room. Renesmee's face was so forlorn, so hurt and betrayed, that I could not stand it. I found myself rushing and sweeping her into my arms, and coming back into the living room. Nessie was surprised, and I could sense her uncertainty in my embrace. Any affection from me over the past few days was not reciprocated, so she leaned back slightly, but did not try to jump down. She was hoping that she would now get some answers.

"I am going out to find Jacob." The words were out of my mouth before I could even think clearly enough to stop them. "I am sorry for any strife that my mistakes brought on in the conversation, and I thank you all for your willingness to help, but I need to do this." My eyes met Bella's as she came to the doorway of the kitchen. "For _my _family." I finished.

Bella came to my side, and Renesmee reached for her. Unabashed, or perhaps just used to this new behavior, I turned back to the rest of my other family. Carlisle looked proud at my forwardness, and Rosalie looked shocked. She always knew that I would gladly join in on any harsh feelings that she had toward Jacob, so me offering to voluntarily go to find him and bring him back forced her to recalculate. Alice looked pleased, just as Carlisle had, and Emmett and Jasper were unbiased, wishing only to keep their mates civil.

"Edward." Esme said my name softly, and I turned in her direction, already cringing at the worry I knew would be painted on her face. She walked over to Carlisle's side.

"Honey, Jacob is angry. Just please...be careful. Jacob has become close to all of us," A scoff from Rosalie interrupted her, and Bella's glare shot daggers in her direction.

Esme, of course, continued without even acknowledging the exchange. "But you are my son. Come home quickly, and know that we love you." Her arm wrapped around Carlisle's.

"He isn't going alone. I am going too." Bella said from my side. "Jacob _is_angry, and we're going to do this for Renesmee."

A small part of me wanted to disagree and tell her that no, I was going on my own. If Bella came that might take away from my selfless offer. Well, mostly selfless. I wanted my daughter to look up to me again, to _love_ me again. If she saw me leave and bring back her Jacob with me, I just might earn some of that affection back. The other part of me was relieved. Bella would guarantee that Jacob would pause before lunging at me and causing me to murder him, and I was simply glad that she wanted to help me. She did say that we would go through this together. Fix this together. We had conquered so much with our realities and hearts interlaced, so what match was this situation?

"Bella…" I started, secretly praying that she would stand up to me.

"No, Edward. I'm going. This is my fault too."

_Success_.

**What did you think? I apologise for how short it seems. I know you deserve much more! But this is all I could do before getting started on my homework tonight. I should have lots of time this week though. Click below here and leave me your opinion, if this is your first time reading this story or if you've been waiting for the update! If I know you all like it I will write faster!**


	5. Escapee

A/N: I first want to thank everyone who has reviewed and favorited! It is more appreciated than you know. A special shout-out to **Relaxable** to keeping my butt in gear in writing this and for some wonderful comments! I really like this chapter...and it's longer, hope you don't mind :)_

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_

_Thum-Thump._

_Thum-Thump._

Eighty-one, eighty-two…I didn't know how long I had been standing in Nessie's doorway counting her heartbeats by the minute, but I knew I had been there long enough to know that on average her small chest rose and fell steadily exactly 53 times less than her heartbeat. I noticed a smile lift the corners of her mouth as a vision of Bella laughing drifted through her dreams. She was so lovely. A perfect angel. Especially when she smiled. When she slept was the only time that she smiled these days, and the burden of that was completely on my shoulders. I turned from the doorway with a sigh, and walked slowly into the kitchen of our cottage. My eyes fell on my wife next to the counter, bowls and food containers out around her. She was making Renesmee a small breakfast before we left on our search to find Jacob, or at least I knew that that was what she was telling herself. In reality she was looking for anything to calm her anxiousness. Her hands flew across the counter quickly, one split second cracking eggs, the next pouring milk into the bowl and whisking violently. Her brow was furrowed in concentration, and she was wearing a look that always begged me to kiss her senseless. But I didn't.

A lot of things were different right now.

My love for Bella never changed. It still surged through my body and affected every fiber of my being, as it would for all eternity. And I wanted to do nothing more than sweep her up from her spot next to the kitchen counter and carry her away to our bedroom and show her how much I loved her—over and over again.

But there was a dark aura that had settled over our family, and we could all feel that until Jacob was found, nothing could go back to the way that it was. My life revolved around Jacob. My fate and happiness depended on a werewolf.

Now that's something I never imagined.

"Is Renesmee up yet?" Bella looked up at me as she poured the mixture into the pan on the stove. "We should get going soon."

"No, not yet."

"Well, will you go and get her up so that I can get her fed and over to the main house? The sun's already been up for fifteen minutes." She added matter-of-factly.

I knew that my waking Nessie wasn't a good idea. At least it was something that I did not want to do. I had never considered myself a coward and had looked death defiantly in the eyes many times, but face my daughter? My only child whose heart I had single-handedly shattered with my selfishness?

That _terrified_ me.

I opened my mouth to object, but I was once again reminded that Bella somehow knew me better than I knew myself. She turned to me with tender, knowing eyes.

"She still loves you."

"I'm not so sure, Bella. What I've done—"

"_We_. What we have done." She said firmly. "_We_ are going to fix."

Bella turned back to the stovetop, scraping the small pile of eggs onto a plate. I knew that she was finished with this part of the conversation, so I turned back toward Renesmee's room, my feet feeling every bit like boulders dragging the floor.

I let myself down on the edge of her bed, intending to softly nudge her awake, but the rosiness of her cheeks was too much, and I found my fingertips brushing one gently and pushing the curls off of her face. I smiled as she stirred under my touch, and a yawn escaped her mouth, forming her lips into an "O." She stretched an arm above her head and her eyelids fluttered open. As she blinked the sleep away, a smile formed on her lips, but it faded just as quickly when she saw that it was me.

Just when I thought my heart was getting more numb, it felt torn apart again, the pieces lying strewn around in my chest.

"Good morning, darling." I managed, my hurt evident in my voice.

"Good morning, Daddy." She said as she sat up.

I reached to help her down from the bed, which she was still getting used to from the crib only a month before, but her actions spoke volumes as she rolled onto her belly and slid herself down the side, her feet falling a few inches to the ground. She did not look back my way as she walked wobbly into the kitchen.

* * *

"Goodbye, Nessie." Bella said as she pulled her into a tight embrace. "We will be back soon. We love you so very much." She added with a kiss.

Renesmee's arms folded across her tiny chest as Bella set her back on the floor at Esme's feet. After our explanation for leaving, she was severely unhappy with the two of us for leaving her behind.

"I want to go too." She stated. There was no pouting, no bottom lip sticking out. She did not believe that we were going to bring Jacob back to her, and unless she came with us, he would never return at all.

"No, Renesmee." I spoke for the first time since I woke her this morning. I kneeled down on her level and looked into her dark brown eyes. "This is something that daddy and mommy have to fix ourselves."

"What if you don't fix it?" She asked, a glimmer of a tear shining in her eye.

"We will. I promise you that." I breathed, my insides twisting at her anger turned sadness. Her face remained impassive, calculating my words. She still didn't know if there was truth behind them.

"I swear, Nessie. I'll make this right." I answered her thoughts, my voice a little above a whisper.

She nodded slightly, and turned back to Esme to take her hand. I sat on my knees, rooted to the floor, feeling the weight of the situation wash over me again. I felt Bella's hand on my shoulder, and I stood to follow her out the back door. She waved and called a few more goodbyes, but I barely noticed. My feet were carrying me to my fate, which was somehow twisted again with that of Jacob Black.

* * *

To say that we were on a ghost hunt was an understatement. Jacob's scent was nearly four days old, and provided us with little direction, and Alice could not see him at all, of course. We were blind, but knew that he had traveled northeast to Canada in the past, so that is the direction that we began in. Bella left me to my thoughts for the most part of the first hour, running swiftly beside me, her hair long and dark against the contrast of the skin on her face. We blended together, our souls so intertwined that we need not ask the other which way to turn, look, or smell. I was once again thankful to have her with me even though the outlook seemed so bleak at the moment. She always—

I was suddenly aware of someone else's presence. I slowed quickly, but not abruptly enough to stir the many leaves on the forest floor beneath us. Bella slowed too, her eyes questioning, but her senses immediately alert. I took a deep breath, my head swiveling to find the source of the weak scent of the other person or animal. Bella crouched down next to me and motioned me with her, realizing that the smell was closer to the ground. When I finally got a full wind of the smell, a twig behind a tree about fifty yards away snapped. My eyes swung in the direction of the noise just as the scent registered.

_No way_.

_Thum-Thump._

_Thum-Thump._

_Thum-Thump._

Her heartbeats were faster than before, quickened by the exertion of her run. Her thoughts were frazzled and scared because she knew that we had caught her following us.

"Renesmee! What in the world are you doing?" Bella cried, rushing over to her in an instant and sweeping her up in her arms.

I could not stop staring. How in the world did my daughter, who only physically appeared to be four-years-old, manage to follow us this deep into the forest? She could have been seriously hurt, or even…killed. She never, _ever_ went into the woods even to go hunting by herself. Not without one of the family or Jacob to go with her. _This was not happening_.

_Deny, deny, deny_.

I rubbed my temples as I neared them. No. Nessie did not follow us here. She did not just put herself in severe danger where she could have been taken away from us.

_Deny, deny, deny_.

It was in that instant that my phone vibrated within my pocket, and it was as if someone else slid the backpack from my shoulders and reached into my jeans and placed the cell phone against my ear.

"Edward?" I heard Alice's voice in my ear, but could not respond. My body was numb with the fear of what might have happened to my Renesmee, my heart. Bella's face was stricken, and she clung to our child fiercely, whispering softly under her breath.

"Edward!" Alice said more loudly, and I was finally aware of her speaking.

"What?" I said hoarsely.

"Renesmee…" She started.

"…is right here with us." I interjected for her, and was suddenly flooded with anger that my family was just now noticing Renesmee's absence. "Would you care to tell me how this is even possible?!" I barked into the phone, my grip threatening to break the device.

"What do you mean she is there with you?" Alice asked in horror.

"Why don't you tell me, Alice? How could any of you even let her out of your sight?!"

"She wanted to take a nap upstairs in your old bedroom, so Esme put her up there about ten minutes after you left." She explained, her voice defending. "When Rose went up a few minutes ago she was gone." Her voice lost some of its power with every word. "You know I can't _see _her, Edward, or I would have done…something."

"I know, Alice," I sighed. "I know."

"What are you going to do? We can meet you halfway past the old hiker's trail." She offered.

"Yes, I think that would be best. We'll bring her that direction." I looked over at Bella and my daughter, _the escapee_.

Renesmee, sensing what was being discussed, cried out, "NO! I am staying here."

She emphasized each word slowly, and as her eyes met mine, I felt the beginnings of a long battle.

* * *

**So what do you think? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! The website has made it so much easier...just click the button right below here. :)**


	6. Choices

**How much do you hate me? I am sorry a hundred times over for not updating more steadily. I did not realize when this idea for a story popped into my head two months ago that it would become so difficult to update when I was in school! I am on a six week Christmas break now, so I hope that is promise enough to you guys that I will be updating A LOT more. Anyways, I'm super sorry again...in other business, I would like to thank everyone for their comments and alerts and such. I have received some amazing suggestions and will try to incorporate them the best that I can. If you have any after this chapter be sure and let me know, ok? **

**One more issue that I wanted to address. I have received a few comments discussing the feeling that my Edward and Bella are a little out of character. I do realize that in the last novel Stephenie Meyer ended the story implying that Edward and Bella were both alright with Jacob's imprint. But I felt like with the threat of the Volturi gone and the opportunity of forever laid out in front of them, that they might feel differently. Either way, they are slightly OCC from the book because I took my own liberty with this story, and what I **_**thought **_**E and B might feel later on. I'm sorry if this bothers you, but I hope you enjoy the story anyway!**

* * *

There were few times in my life when I had ever felt so torn. There was the time in my life that I found myself desperately fleeing the sweet, deadly pull of my body to Bella's scent the first week we met, while fighting the urge to ravage her throat and snuff out the life that brought me such agony. I could also recall the instinctual feeling to stay alongside my vampire family and fight the raging throng of newborns envading our land, and then being pulled by my heart to bend to the request of my love to stay with her, away from the battle, away from the risk. This time was different because it did not involve Bella, but the other part of my essence. This was my _only_ daughter and her request to stay with Bella and me in our search for Jacob. On one side there was the fierce paternal instinct to protect and nurture, to keep my daughter from harm's way, no matter the cost. Then there was the part of my heart that wanted, no, _needed _to give Renesmee everything she wished for. I wanted to fulfill her hopes and dreams. To never see her hurt or her lovely angelic face turned in sadness; but alas, the latter had been brought on by my own hands.

The inner battle continued to rage within as I assessed my daughter's body language—brow furrowed into wrinkles, full lips set into a straight line, hands clinched into fists. I forced my gaze away, desperately trying to make a decision not based on Renesmee's feelings. It was her safety that mattered the most to her mother and I. I would rather live with her hatred for eternity than to lose her. I feared I would become a creature void of spirit without her love, but without her life…

I evaded the notion, closing my eyes in the face of the pain that it brought. When I opened them, my fatherly instinct had won. She would not stay. It was _not_ worth losing her. I took a deep breath and focused on making my voice firm and authoritative. When my darkened eyes met my daughter's, however, I was not prepared for what I saw. Though every other part of her being was rigid with firm anger, I saw that her eyes were glazed over with tears. They were desperate and pleading. I realized that she was trying achingly hard to appear angry, but inside she was crying and those tears were threateningly close to spilling over.

The words died on my lips as our eyes continued to meet, black to brown. I had to focus nearly all of my energy to pull away from her tearful gaze and try to remember what it was that I was going to say. Something along the lines of, "absolutely not" or a very firm "no." Though I was not looking at them, I knew Renesmee had reached up and touched Bella's cheek gently, and Bella, who had been watching my personal war within, breathed a sharp intake of air. Renesmee's shared vision swirled into my mind's eye. She was watching Jacob leave our house, the door quaking as he slammed it. She then watched Bella and I leave through the backyard, our figures retreating into the forest. She was terrified because everyone who took care of her was leaving. Then I saw the locket that we had given her in the wake of the Volturi's visit over three months ago, and its promising inscription, '_more than my own life_.' She did understand the words, for they meant an eternal, selfless, agape love. The picture of us together meant that we would always be together. She saw us leaving and the promise shattered. I watched as the vision tapered off and Renesmee clung to her mother, her arms wrapped tightly around her neck. She cried into Bella's porcelain shoulder, and Bella shushed her quietly.

"Please…don't leave, Momma." Renesmee's voice broke through her tears, and she sounded every bit a scared toddler. "Please. Don't go…without me."

The scene before me would be forever burned into my perfect memory, but it was one that I wished to desperately erase. At that moment I felt the frayed stitches of my resolve beginning to rip slowly at the seams.

* * *

The foliage began to thin around us as we continued our journey to the northeast, and the lush, damp earth was slowly being replaced with a more rocky terrain. We were gracing the edges of the mountain ranges, but Jacob's scent was not getting any more distinct. My initial thoughts of Jacob simply running away to blow off steam were beginning to wane. The only part of my first theory that still remained was the fact that being away from Renesmee, according to the dog himself, was that he _could not_ be away from his imprint. Images from the day that Bella first discovered the mongrel's claim on our daughter flooded my mind, including the scene in our front yard with my newly immortal wife stalking toward Jacob, while my entire family and I watched from the porch.

"_You're going to stay away from her," Bella hissed at the Jacob, completely ignoring Leah's snarls at her alpha's flank._

"_I can't do that!" he countered, his eyes wild. 'It's too painful' his mind echoed. _

"_Try. Starting now." She seethed, unabashed to his plea._

"_It's not possible…"_

I associated his words with a magnetic force pulling two opposite poles. The two are drawn to each other, and if a physical force does not break the pull, they come crashing together. In Jacob's case, he was drawn internally to Renesmee, but he was physically pulling himself away from her. I still believed that the imprinting custom done by the wolves was twisted and sick, but I did know what it felt like to be away from the person that completed you. The one your heart belonged to. When I made the worst mistake of my life and left Bella, I was in my own personal hell for months, and I the aching, dark aura that took over me made me feel like I was dying. _I wanted to die_.

My reminisce caused me to look over at Bella beside me with our daughter sleeping on her back, something that I had avoided since I had allowed the little girl to stay with us. She slept peacefully, her hands clasped around Bella's throat, curls twisting softly with the air around her. Nessie's cheeks were still blotched with red from her tears a few hours ago, and I felt that I would lose my sanity from the knowledge that I had once again hurt her.

_Edward_.

Bella's thoughts swirled gracefully into my darkened mind. Her ability to push away her shield on her mind still startled me, for I was so used to her thoughts being silent. Over the months she had become more and more adapt at controlling her power, and I was more than ecstatic. To hear her mentally was the greatest gift she had ever given me, aside from her love and our daughter. We were able to know and see each other on levels that no one else could, human and vampire alike.

"Yes, love?" I murmured softly, my personal lashing forgotten for the moment. My eyes turned to meet hers, and she smiled gently at me, the wind swirling her hair. She slowed her pace and reached for my hand.

"Can we walk for a moment?" She asked, her slim fingers intertwining themselves in mine. I nodded, and fought back a blissful sigh at the feeling of her touch. Her hand squeezing mine started a flow of calm through my veins, ebbing away the demons that continued to encompass my mind.

"I love you." The words tumbled out of my mouth, and I still relished in the way that they felt on my lips. I would say them a thousand times a day for a thousand years and they would always bring bliss to my heart because I had the chance to say them to _her_.

"And I you." She returned with a knowing smile. "You know what I also love? The look on your face when you can hear me saying your name in your head." She laughed softly, as to not wake Renesmee.

I gave her a crooked smile. "It is very odd for me still. I am not used to being graced with such a _sensual_, angelic voice."

"Oh, Edward," she said, rolling her eyes. Then she adjusted Renesmee's small, suede boot where it was falling off of her foot. "I wish Alice had dressed her more practically today. But then again no one was planning on her running away after us."

"Yes, but I must admit she does look cute." The description felt weird rolling off of my tongue, but I could not think of a better word to describe the outfit that Alice had chosen. Her boots went halfway up her tiny calves, and her on her legs were cream-colored knit tights. She had on a long-sleeved green dress, and green was definitely my favorite color on her.

"Edward Cullen, did you just call one of Alice's creations 'cute?' I can't wait to tell her that you actually liked something she bought for Renesmee when we get back home!" Bella started to burst out in peals of angelic laughter, but quickly hushed herself, a smile stretching over her face. I thought Alice usually dressed Nessie up way too much. There were times when I found our daughter changed out of a nice outfit Bella and I had chosen and in a cashmere Hermes sweater, a pleated skirt and leather Mary-Janes. She was already growing up too fast for me, so why made her dress like a miniature Bella?

_Wait. Scratch that_. If Alice dressed Renesmee like she loved dressing Bella sometimes, then I was in trouble. I was already at risk of losing my self-control when Bella was forced into silken dresses from shopping excursions, so maybe not like Bella per say. Just more like a child. Renesmee would not be allowed to dress like her mother until she was thirty, and I meant that in human years. Even then I prayed to not have to see it.

I cringed, thoughts of Jacob finally having Renesmee at that time entering my mind. _No_, I chided myself. _I will not dwell on that anymore at the moment_. I turned my attention back to Bella.

"Alright, but you have to be careful what you say to that little monster. You cannot let her come to full power over us, or you will have to say goodbye to jeans and cotton _forever_." I emphasized the last word dramatically, enjoying Bella's mock reaction as she looked down quickly at her slender legs clad in dark jeans.

"You do have a point," she winked at me. "We'll keep that to ourselves."

We walked a few minutes in silence, and Bella leaned her head on my shoulder, her dark tresses falling over my back as well. I was momentarily enveloped in her wonderful floral scent mixed with the strawberry smell of her hair, all ill thoughts that had threatened before slipping away.

"What were you thinking about when we were still running?" Bella asked.

I sighed, but knowing that I could not keep anything from her, relayed what I had been theorizing about Jacob's pull toward Renesmee and his choice to stay away. Bella nodded, her face thoughtful.

"Yes, I was recalling that day too. Do you also remember how he went and brought Charlie to the house that day when he heard Em and Rose talking about moving? He didn't want to have to deal with Renesmee leaving."

I could feel the emotions from that day surfacing again. He had brought Charlie to the house when Bella was less than a day old, threatening not only Charlie's life, but Bella's self control. I knew she could handle the situation, but she was in serious pain for the duration of his visit, and I had wanted to rip Jacob's head off.

"Yes, I recall very well." I said through clenched teeth.

Bella nudged me with her shoulder. "Hey, let's not go in that direction."

I gave her a small smile. "Okay."

"It looks like the night has finally found us." Bella said, her head coming off of my shoulder, and looking around. Almost instantaneously I felt a cold wind blowing from the north, the silhouettes of the trees swaying ominously in the quickly receding sunlight. We were in the northwestern United States, and that meant the weather could go from mild during the day, to blistering cold at night. The temperature was a non issue for Bella and I, but for Renesmee posed a serious problem.

"We need to find someplace to block us from the wind. Renesmee doesn't even have a jacket on." The words came out of my mouth strained, the reality finally hitting me.

Another gust of wind and Renesmee shuddered on Bella's back. Bella's jaw clenched and I knew that she was mentally berating herself for our ignorance just as I was.

* * *

Edward's recollection of Bella and Jacob's conversation in the yard is Copyright of pg. 45-451 in Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer.

**Expect the next update within the week. I hope you liked this chapter. I loved the E and B conversation. And doesn't Renesmee look so CUTE? haha : ) And I want your opinions: Should Bella and Edward have brought their daughter along?**

**I am also working on a small Christmas project. That might be posted before the next chapter of this, so be sure and check it out too.**

**Have a wonderful break for those of you who have started or are starting yours soon!**


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